Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
