im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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