i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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