I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
