True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
