i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
