My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize