Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
