you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
