So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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