you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
