Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize