You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
