god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
