One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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