I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
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Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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