dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
