For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
