so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
this is an emotional support booty call
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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