I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
