Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You were trust falling into bushes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
