i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
