Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
