woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
