Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
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just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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