Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
