He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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