She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
