so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
