Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
