You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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