Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
