I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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