why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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