she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
