Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
