i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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