Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
