Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize