I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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