Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
