i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
