New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
