i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
