In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
