Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just had sex on a roof
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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