Clothes are such an inconvenience.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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