This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
