told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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