I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
