You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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