Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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