come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
