i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
