If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
