i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
