Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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