dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
