So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
