Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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