Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
is it fun? or sober?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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