I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
