You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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