mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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