i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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