dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if only i could text you this smell
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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