it's too hot outside to masturbate.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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