in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
