I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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