there's paper in my vomit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit