her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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