why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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