Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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