I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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