Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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