She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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