I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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