its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My penis needs a shock collar
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
