Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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